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Noah�s Ark 2007

2nd of October 2007

In the year 2007 he Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in England, and said �Once again the Earth has become wicked and over-populated and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build another Ark and save two of every living thing along with a few good humans�. He gave Noah the drawings saying �You have six months to build the Ark before I start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights�.
Six months later the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard, but no Ark. �Noah� He roared, �I�m about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?�
�Forgive me Lord� begged Noah �but things have changed.� I needed Building Regulations Approval because the Ark was over 30 square metres. I�ve been arguing with the Fire Service about the need for a sprinkler system. My neighbours claim that I should have obtained Planning Permission to build the Ark in my garden because it is a development of the site, even though in my view it is a temporary stricture.We had to go to Appeal to the Secretary of state for a decision. The Local Area Access Group complained that my ramp was too steep and that the Ark wasn�t fully accessible.
Getting the wood was another problem. All the decent trees have Tree Preservation Orders on them and I live in a Site of Special Scientific Interest set up to protect the Spotted Owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls – but no go!�
�When I started gathering the animals the RSPCA sued me, insisting that I was confining animals against their will and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space. The Environment Agency and the Rivers Authority ruled that I couldn�t build an Ark before they�d conducted an Environmental Impact Study on your proposed flood. The Trades Union insist that I can�t use my sons to build the Ark and that I must hire CSCS Accredited workers with Ark-building experience. Customs and Excise have seized my assets, claiming that I�m trying to leave the country with endangered species. Forgive me Lord, but it�s going to take at least ten years to complete this Ark�.
Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine and a rainbow appeared. Noah looked up in wonder and said �You mean you�re not going to destroy the world?�
�No�, said the Lord. �The government�s beaten me to it�.

This page is edited by Tony

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